November 10th, 2008 by Steven
Have you ever connected with someone in such a way that you felt they understood you so well, that you had so much in common with them, that it almost felt as if you’d met them before? Perhaps they shared experiences that you could relate to, or had similar views on life as you. This feeling of connection, of knowing a person well and identifying with them, is known as rapport. Rapport is an essential element of communication within any interpersonal setting, and is used extensively within the business world. Giant mergers of companies usually result when the two company heads get on well together and feel comfortable about openly discussing their ideas.
Establishing rapport with someone is the absolute fundamental aspect of all forms of hypnosis. You must learn how to establish rapport with people. Knowing how to establish rapport with just about anyone you meet is perhaps the most important thing you could possibly learn during your study of hypnosis. Without rapport, you have nothing, and you won’t be able to perform any type of covert hypnosis. If there’s one field of study that I can say is more important than any other, it’s learning the art of establishing rapport with people. Not only will it help you in business, it will also you in your day to day personal relationships with people; including lovers, friends, strangers - absolutely anybody you may converse with. Mass hypnosis, stage hypnosis, covert hypnosis, all forms of interpersonal hypnosis rely upon your ability to establish rapport with your target audience. You must learn this field, more than any other, it is absolutely essential, I cannot stress this enough.
The thing is though, is that I can’t simply teach you rapport through text alone. What you must do is apply the principles I teach you during your day to day life and test them for yourself. Each person has a unique personality and a unique way of identifying with others, you must find what it is that makes you unique and interesting to other people and develop this part of yourself as much as you can. I will help you do this, however it ultimately comes down to you to practice what I teach. This is one part of covert hypnosis that you can’t learn through a text book alone, and anyone claiming you can really doesn’t know this field.
There is a certain mindset that you must adopt when speaking with people. You must understand the way that people think deep down, despite what they say on the surface. Deep down, everyone cares about one person more than anyone, as shocking as it may seem. And this one person, above all others, is themselves. That’s right, people are so self-obsessed with every essence of their being that almost every action they take is done purely to drive their own ego, or to acquire what they need or want. Now this may not seem initially obvious, and in fact most people don’t even know it themselves, but underneath everything, we ultimately conduct every action to benefit ourselves in some way.
People love talking about themselves more than anything else. If you ask a person a question about their lives, they’ll usually be eager to answer it, and at length, filling you in on all the intricate details. If a person asks you a question then they may display an interest in you, however this interest cannot compare to the interest that the person has in themselves, despite what you may think. Those that can nurture other peoples egos and show genuine interests in other people will generally have a lot of friends. The best listener is far better company than the best talker.
So the mindset that you must adopt when speaking with people is this: “I really care about what this person thinks, what their feelings are, and what their views are about things, I’m going to do my best to really get to know and understand this person”. This is the mindset that you must adopt if you ever hope to master rapport. You must have a genuine interest in other people, and be keen to hear what they have to say. By playing upon peoples ego, and nurturing their self esteem, they will subconsciously feel a connection with you and you will most likely befriend them. The actual techniques that you will learn in rapport build upon this mindset, however the techniques themselves are meaningless if you don’t have this mindset.
If you think you can just walk up to someone that you don’t really like, click your fingers with a cranky face, and command that person to do your bidding, then you have entirely misunderstood what covert hypnosis is about. Covert hypnosis is about making people connect with you, and then using that connection for your own benefit without the person realising it. If you cannot establish that connection through rapport, then you won’t be hypnotizing anybody. Rapport is an essential part of establishing authority. If you’ve read my post on the Fundamentals Of Suggestion, then you will know the importance of establishing yourself as an authority within a person’s life. In order to be an authority, you must have rapport. You must be someone that your target can look up to, someone that the they can relate to. Without this form of rapport, you cannot be an authority within the person’s life.
Something that I’d like to explain to you is the difference between having a genuine interest in another person, as opposed to having a false, pretend interest. An example of a false interest would be you talking to a member of the opposite sex at a nightclub. If deep down your only intention was to procreate with this person, and not really care about what the other person wanted, then no matter what you say or do, your intent will come through with your body language, tone of voice, and the words that you choose to use during the course or your conversation. If the person you were talking to wasn’t interested in going home with you that night, then they’d pick your intent from a mile off, even though you never made any mention of it.
If on the other hand you approached a member of the opposite sex with a genuine interest of wanting to know that person, and doing what they wanted to do, then you’d have far more success in the long run. Your mind would be focused on them as opposed to yourself, you would be better able to understand their words and sentences, analyze their questions and give constructive answers that added to the conversation. Despite what you think, you cannot fake interest. It may sound an intriguing thing to do, but ultimately it does not work.
You can of course have an end goal that you want to achieve with a person. Let’s say you’re a salesman and a person enters inside your shop and you want to sell a product to that person. Your ultimate goal may be to get the person to buy the product, but if you immediately start spilling out some long winded sales pitch then odds are the customer will be scared away. If however you displayed a genuine interest in the customer, you will be able to first establish rapport with them (which is the most essential part of communication). After you have established rapport, then you may attempt to sell them the product. Most people make the common mistake of immediately rushing in with their desires and wants during a conversation, without first realising what the desires or wants of the other person are. Once you can identify what the other person wants, fulfill this want in the person, and thus establish rapport with that person, then the person will be more open to listening to your needs and wants.
There’s only one thing that I want you to understand from this lesson, and that’s that having a genuine interest in people is essential to establishing rapport. Without rapport, there is no connection, so it’s necessary that you adopt this fundamental mindset. It may take a bit of practice, but eventually if you can put your self interest aside and focus only on what the other person wants, you will reap many benefits. You may find this depletes a lot of your energy, but it’s a necessary step to take in order to ultimately achieve your goals with the person.
So practice this for me. The next time someone approaches you and says “ohh I had I bad day” and continues to ramble on about something that you couldn’t care less about, listen to them, really understand what they’re talking about, and ask them further questions about what they’re saying. You’ll give them a chance to offload their stress, and you may well be the first person that listened to them so well. You may even establish an instant form of rapport with the person that you never experienced before with them.
Now I’m not saying that you should become an emotional garbage bag for anyone, as this is something you most definitely don’t want, however what I’m asking you to do is just practice a little bit. Learn to care about what people say, and have a genuine interest in them, and see what sort of results you get. Remember, don’t focus on your desires, focus on the other person’s desires. This is the first lesson in rapport that you must learn.